RAMBLING OVER NOTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING

The world is spinning out of control. In Malaysia, it has been like that for a long time now. In the church, well, things could be better. But then it is a cynic speaking out of the ash heap of boredom with himself, frustration with the world, and desperation that is bottled up within him.

Let me start with the church. I wouldn’t say that the church is looking down. For some reason, it is actually looking up despite the recent “bashing” from all corners about the “A” word issue. I am glad the church is beginning to stand up and be counted. For all, we know this could be the start of a supernatural unity that could happen among the Christians of different sects and theological persuasions.

As for the church where I came from we are riding high at this moment. I pray that there will be staying power to push through the “spiritual agenda” that the leaders believe that God has laid down on the table for them. Some of my fears are the “running out of steam” syndrome, “easily discouraged” complex, and “red herring” personality within the pack of leaders!

If things go as planned (as Holy Spirit led) then we can expect a great renewal to follow on the heels. The leaders are serious about their intention to carry the church to the next level in terms of impacting lives, transforming communities and reaching the nations for the Lord. We are positioning ourselves for influence in the home and in the marketplace. But a word of caution: what looks good on paper may turn out to be just an illusion. I am not a kill-joy but I choose to believe that we need to trust in God in everything. There is a tendency to come up with grandeurs and lofty ideas but finding ourselves unwilling to pay the price, to sacrifice our comfort and convenience, and to lay down our reputation for the cause. Persecution is peering through our windows. Fear is rearing its ugly head. And personal safety and security are uppermost in many minds. Are we willing to lay down our lives for the cause of establishing the kingdom of God on earth? How many of us are toying with the idea of migrating? How many of us would gladly give the reason for wanting to “check-out” of Malaysia by using our children’s education and future?

I am trying to be optimistic (and excited for the church – I really am) but every now and then I heard whispers of pessimism like, “what did I get myself into?” Is there any surprise if I tell you that I am shaken in my pants about moving forward? Of course, the paradoxical paradigm is that at the same time I want very much to take the plunge! In fact, I have already taken the plunge! How about you?

Talk about our beloved country Malaysia, the recent craze would have been the “kangkung” episode. We are in a land flowing with milk and honey. Sorry, I mean flowing out milk and honey. Very generous, very generous indeed! Well, we can afford it – our “kangkung” price has dropped. We are economically strong compared with the rest of the world. Malaysia Boleh! Aren’t we a great nation, constantly flowing out money into private accounts overseas? We have serious brain drain – the bright ones leaving our shores for better future in other countries. We are left with the leftovers of half-wits. Just watch or read that in the news – this statement, that statement that makes no cow sense at all (or to the cows who live in a condo)!!

How about my own life? I cannot say that I am at the top of the game. I am seriously indiscipline – lack of physical exercise (the only exercise is exercising my jaws and jumping into conclusion), sit on my butt for far too long watching Korean movies and others and engaging in other unfruitful pursuits. The only thing worth mentioning is that I wash the plates more often. I even bought all the stuff for cleaning and vacuuming the car which I never got around doing it – even now!! How pathetic! Spiritually I am on a slow cruise. Well, I have not gotten off the track yet but I think I can do better. But as far as work is concerned, I did better. After all, I am a workaholic. By the way, I have seven young people I took under my wings for the next three months. What can I say? I need to be disciplined with regard to work. So yes, I am pretty okay spiritually and ministry-wise.

I better stop.

DRAMA OF SOME SIDE-SHOW ARTIST

I am thinking once again. I can’t seem to move away from the whole notion why some people could speak so freely of hearing God speaks, almost sounds so natural like breathing. I am not being cynical but I can’t seem to put my finger there so nicely. Am I paranoid with people who seem to be so spiritually attuned to God and I am not? Am I actually making any sense?

In one meeting that I happen to attend we were told to close our eyes and allow God to speak to us either with an impression, pictures, and Scriptures for people it in the group. I was a little skeptical being one best known to use reason and rationality in deciphering spiritual things. Anyway, the meeting ends well and everyone was encouraged one way or another. I am not being cynical about the practice; it’s just not my style, it’s just not my thing. And I also don’t assume that the words were merely man’s impressions or thoughts. I can believe that it is possible that God does speak in such circumstances. My only mental block is that fact that such practices seem so easy, fluid, emotional, existential and empirical! I would like to think that my God, my Father in Heaven is more original than that of a fortune teller make her rounds of predictions!

Someone said that it is not hard to operate in the word of knowledge without the aid of the Holy Spirit. We are not even talking about the aid from the other side! Just plain human ingenuity! If you have a crowd of 200 people there will bound to be some with headaches, some with marital problems and some who are depressed, wounded in their hearts by someone close, and the list goes on. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to make such assumptions safely. It doesn’t take a super-spiritual guy, who claims to be in close divine communication, in a direct access to God, to know some of the key problems in a crowd safely.

While I agree that God gave us the gift of the word of knowledge today there needs for us to throw caution to the wind. Sorry for my pun but I have seen the abuse, the manipulations, and the pride that goes with it that I rather asked God for other gifts than to have the gift of knowledge, prophecy, faith or miracles. I thank God for those who operate under such gifting genuinely and faithfully. I salute them. I really do. But for me, I think my gifting rest more in the word of wisdom and the discerning of spirits. But more than that I placed my full authority on God’s Word – the Living Word which is Jesus Christ my Lord, and the written Word which is the sacred Scriptures preserved for us even today! It is there that I draw my spiritual wisdom from – the wells of God’s treasured Word. It is listening closely to all the sayings, teachings and questions of Jesus that I can draw safe conclusions to things concerning the Kingdom of God, of life and of the Father’s will. The account of the life of Christ is good enough for me to explore all the spiritual treasures and wisdom to live a life that is abundant, content and fulfill.

What is lacking in the church today is not about having more supernatural manifestations, sensational miracles and divine intervention of angels, gold dust and what not. What is lacking is divine wisdom from the Father above! The church tries to be modern, to keep up with the times, to be sensational but forgets her true calling. We are to manifest the manifold wisdom of God upon the earth. We are being taken in by the glitter of the world and are dazzled by it. We indulge in or pander to the drama of some side-show artists.  We get side-track by the art of glamour! We have to return to being the Bride of Christ, the Body of Christ, the Church that storms the gates of hell and it shall not prevail against her. It’s time to return to our true calling of standing on the truth of God’s word and proclaim it loud and clear – calling people to repentance and to holiness. It’s time to stop making our Gospel so cheap – a feel-good therapy – for the people out there. It’s time to express the manifold wisdom of God not through the sensational but through the power of God’s Word to transform lives radically.

I am just thinking!

JOB'S IVORY TOWER

The reflections of just an ordinary man trying to make sense under the sun for a brief span of three scores and ten! He tries to be serious, paradoxical and comical at times but many times he turns out to be a cynic in essence – to the world, his country, fellow pilgrims of faith and himself!

He takes life seriously. He thinks deeply about the issues affecting life. He spends time sharpening his faith by philosophically pondering, meditating and reflecting on a pragmatic action plan to live life before God without leaving his ivory tower of intellectualism.

Even though he had spent his entire life as a cleric with a brief span of “out in the cold” for rebellion, he still struggles with his profession! What a dilemma for his inner soul! He will freely admit that he wished he’d resigned every other Monday! Of course, there were times of great joy and satisfaction serving the Lord and seeing results. There were many times of “mountaintop” experiences that he would not trade with anyone. It would be a sin not to admit that basically, he enjoyed the work and ministry that God put him in all these years. Yes, he will not trade it for anything else. Yes, he will gladly sacrifice everything to do it all over again. Yet, it doesn't take away the many emotional struggles of quitting, of retiring, and disappearing into thin air, never to see another soul again! It’s a paradox of this cleric’s soul and spirit.

Perhaps it is the demand of relationships, discipleship and leading that causes such emotional upheaval in one’s heart. Relationships can be demanding, can be a strenuous pursuit and a costly asset to keep and to maintain. One has to constantly attend to it, to constantly appraise it and to constantly monitor its health.

When it comes to his beloved country, he is even more cynical. Though he loves his country he has a love-hate relationship with it. He wants to be patriotic but circumstance does not allow him to be. He can’t even if he wants to because his country has morphed into a very polarized, a racially, religiously and fanatical beast!

How about the world? Well, he is even more cynical and skeptical! He has a problem with the evilness of humanity. He has a problem with the clandestine and surreptitious operation of many countries – all for some selfish gain, some selfish survival instincts. The world is dark; full of evil, rebellion and sick jokes and jokers! The world has turned into a giant sewage filled with the filth of pornographic images in the media, psychopath warlords, dictators and regimes, and terrorist using the name of God in vain!

Concerning himself, well, he sees the world with cynicism. In some wild guesses, he would probably be hard on himself too! Yes, he certainly is! He thinks he could be better. He believed his contribution to the Kingdom of God was marred by his own rebellion, his own spiritual struggles and that only the grace of God has kept him thus far. He may be hard on himself but it also drives him to the Lord – to the warm embrace of the Father; His wonderful grace, His steadfast love, and His mercies. He is certainly grateful and thankful for the acceptance of God – His forgiveness!

DISCLAIMER

My name is JOB ASHEAP (a pseudonym). Once upon a time, I was way down the ash heap of despair. Many circumstances could have driven me to question God, to perhaps be frustrated with Him. I would not because I know that everything that I have and own and even life itself is given by God. Therefore, what the Lord gives, He has the right to take away.

Since I trusted in Him I found the strength to carry on. I am coming out of the ash heap of despair, of painful events, and disconcerting circumstances. I am grateful to God.

The BLOGSPOT named ASH HEAP is a free space where I can freely express my theological reflections, where I can freely express my struggles, and where I can freely release my consternation over many pressing issues regarding spirituality, intimacy, the Word of God, politics, country and many others.

MY DISCLAIMER: This is to forewarn all who “happened” or who intentionally choose to visit ASH HEAP that there is no holds barred in what is written here. There is no intention of any personal attacks. There is no insinuating idea of getting even with people that I don’t agree with. I love to write and I love to be able to write freely. If you find it resonates with you, then you are free to continue but if not, just stop coming here to read any of the posts. I will not bear the responsibility for the “damage” of anyone’s ego. I will engage with you if you have a point in case to challenge me. I will listen whether the argument is reasonable or not. Engage me if you must - friendly, of course!

Thank you.